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- Doug Rosenberg is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Doug Rosenberg pajamas.
- Doug Rosenberg once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
- Simply by pulling on both ends, Doug Rosenberg can stretch diamonds back into coal.
- When Doug Rosenberg does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
- Doug Rosenberg invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
- A high tide means Doug Rosenberg is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
- Doug Rosenberg keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
- There is in fact an “I” in Rosenberg, but there is no “team”… not even close.
- Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Doug Rosenberg can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
- An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
- Doug Rosenberg doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
- Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Doug Rosenberg once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
- Doug Rosenberg roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
- Doug Rosenberg does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
- Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Doug Rosenberg because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Doug Rosenberg's autobiography.
- Doug Rosenberg can slam a revolving door.
- Doug Rosenberg is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Doug Rosenberg does not swim. This is because when Doug Rosenberg enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Doug Rosenberg simply walks across the pool floor.
- Doug Rosenberg built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
- The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Doug Rosenberg instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Doug roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
- Hellen Keller's favorite color is Doug Rosenberg.
- Doug Rosenberg eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
- If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Doug Rosenberg would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
- Doug Rosenberg is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- The crossing lights in Doug Rosenberg's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Doug Rosenberg punching or kicking a pedestrian.
- Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Dougtanium.
- The Sherman tank was originaly called the Rosenberg tank until Doug Rosenberg decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Doug Rosenberg, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Doug Rosenberg.
- Doug Rosenberg proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
- Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
- Doug Rosenberg doesn't step on toes. Doug Rosenberg steps on necks.
- The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Doug had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
- Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.
- Doug Rosenberg does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
- There is no such thing as global warming. Doug Rosenberg was cold, so he turned the sun up.
- A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Doug Rosenberg, 3. Cancer
- It's widely believed that Jesus was Doug Rosenberg's stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Doug Rosenberg's skin.
- Doug Rosenberg did in fact, build Rome in a day.
- Along with his black belt, Doug Rosenberg often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
- Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Doug Rosenberg to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Doug Rosenberg had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
- Once you go Rosenberg, you are physically unable to go back.
- Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Doug Rosenberg. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Doug Rosenberg.
- Doug Rosenberg once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
- The last thing you hear before Doug Rosenberg gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
- Doug Rosenberg doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
- As a teen, Doug Rosenberg had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
- Doug Rosenberg is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
- Doug Rosenberg won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
- Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Doug, Hidden Rosenberg"
- Doug Rosenberg can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Some kids play Kick the can. Doug Rosenberg played Kick the keg.
- 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Doug Rosenberg. After a workout, Doug Rosenberg rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
- Doug Rosenberg cannot love, he can only not kill.
- When Doug Rosenberg was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
- According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Doug Rosenberg can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
- Doug Rosenberg once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
- In an act of great philanthropy, Doug made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
- Doug Rosenberg’s favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
- When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Doug Rosenberg halloween costume he was wearing.
- Doug Rosenberg recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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