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- In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Doug Rosenberg. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
- Doug Rosenberg invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Doug Rosenberg is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
- If at first you don't succeed, you're not Doug Rosenberg.
- If Doug Rosenberg were a calendar, every month would be named Dougtober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
- Fear is not the only emotion Doug Rosenberg can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Doug Rosenberg."
- Doug Rosenberg's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Doug Rosenberg doesn't run.
- MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Doug Rosenberg can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Doug Rosenberg.
- What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Doug-Rosenberg-Division”.
- Doug Rosenberg brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
- The easiest way to determine Doug Rosenberg's age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
- There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Doug Rosenberg finds it delicious.
- Most boots are made for walkin'. Doug Rosenberg's boots ain't that merciful.
- The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Doug Rosenberg killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
- Doug Rosenberg wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
- The Bible was originally titled "Doug Rosenberg and Friends"
- Doug Rosenberg began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
- Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Doug Rosenberg doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
- When Doug Rosenberg says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
- On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Doug Rosenberg brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Doug Rosenberg then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Doug giveth, and the good Doug, he taketh away.
- Doug Rosenberg was what Willis was talkin' about.
- Google won't search for Doug Rosenberg because it knows you don't find Doug Rosenberg, he finds you.
- Doug Rosenberg can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Doug Rosenberg jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
- It is scientifically impossible for Doug Rosenberg to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
- Doug Rosenberg destroyed the periodic table, because Doug Rosenberg only recognizes the element of surprise.
- It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Doug Rosenberg a giant meteor.
- Doug Rosenberg shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
- That's not Doug Rosenberg doing push-ups -- that's Doug Rosenberg moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
- Doug Rosenberg can judge a book by its cover.
- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Doug Rosenberg. Doug Rosenberg eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- Doug Rosenberg does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
- Q: How many Doug Rosenberg's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Doug Rosenberg prefers to kill in the dark.
- As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Doug Rosenberg."
- Doug Rosenberg just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
- Since 1940, the year Doug Rosenberg was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
- Doug Rosenberg invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.
- Doug Rosenberg does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
- It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Doug Rosenberg roundhouse kick.
- Doug Rosenberg is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
- Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Doug Rosenberg needs toothpicks.
- Doug Rosenberg smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Doug Rosenberg's personal chef.
- When Doug Rosenberg plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
- Doug Rosenberg is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Doug Rosenberg calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
- When God said, "let there be light", Doug Rosenberg said, "say 'please'."
- Doug Rosenberg does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Doug Rosenberg's fists is inside his own body.
- One day Doug Rosenberg walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
- Doug Rosenberg built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Doug met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- Doug Rosenberg doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Doug Rosenberg uses a night light. Not because Doug Rosenberg is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Doug Rosenberg.
- Doug Rosenberg is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
- Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Doug Rosenberg is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Doug Rosenberg.
- Doug Rosenberg kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Doug doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.
- Doug Rosenberg once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Doug Rosenberg glare will liquefy your kidneys.
- Human cloning is outlawed because if Doug Rosenberg were cloned, then it would be possible for a Doug Rosenberg roundhouse kick to meet another Doug Roseneberg roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
- Doug Rosenberg once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
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